Wash

I'm going to wash my hair.

Zero

I keep forgetting to post about my latest addiction/weakness. Zero bars. MMMmmmm!! They are the best things ever. They have normal chocolate on the outside and melt in your mouth creamy milk chocolate on the inside. The best thing ever. They're not easy to come by as the mainstream chocolate bar companies buy their way into the grocery stores squeezing out the little guy. Ask for them, they are worth it!!

To Wash or Not to Wash

It's early, I'm sleepy, and I'm debating whether or not to wash my hair when I get into the shower. It is a wee bit shiny but hey, it's natural right? Blah blah. If only I had an appropriate hat to wear to work.

Scandal

If I was famous and was losing my public appeal, I wonder what my scandalous publicity stunt would be? I thought about this yesterday but came up with very little. I couldn't commit to drugs or an eating disorder, I could never get that skinny. I don't foresee wild explicit affairs with strange men or a string of failed marriages. I could date a 19 year old once I hit 40 or so. But all of that has been done to death.

Hmmm...

I can imagine a string of "indecent" exposure episodes. It's hard to say really.

Stop the press, my freaky arm hair! Perhaps that'll be my scandal...

Fit of rage

I sent boyfriend to pick up Purina One Large Breed Puppy Formula dog food. Is that so difficult? What do I get? Purina Puppy Chow. I immediately return it to the store in spite of my impending chemistry midterm tomorrow morning at 8:30. He claimed they didn't have any of that kind at all, anywhere. They did, trust me, they did.

I returned to study the evils of chemistry, damn Dalton and his postulates. I mention a headache, which I didn't really have but the words just flew out of my mouth anyway. Boyfriend asks if I wanted a neck rub and I reply, "I want chocolate." And you know what. He drove back to the store and bought me LOTS of chocolate.

I'm happy now.

TV

I'm so lazy today. I'm slowly but surely finishing up my pre-lab chemistry assignment between phone calls and pet scoldings (CJ, I assaulted your husband with chemistry questions over the phone. He offered tutoring services; I may be a permanent fixture at your house until April). I am almost finished and really want to be watching TV right now but the remote control is 6 feet away and I'm sitting down.

It's too far to move.

I wonder if I can train the dog to fetch that for me and to wipe his doggy drool off before handing it over.

I want chocolate.

Mmmmm....

On another note, the dog obedience people called today in a huff and left a message with that "don't waste our time" tone.

"Hi Kiki, it's blah blah from blah, we really need to know if you'll be attending class because there are other people that really want to take it."

Apparently she forgot the arrangement that we made 5 days ago that I was sending boyfriend on Tuesday in my place instead of Monday because they changed the time with only 5 day's notice. I love the sound in someone's voice when they know they've just made a boob of him/herself. Nah nah nah nah nah, I was right and you were wrong.

My Job

I touch people for a living and get paid to do so. No no, not like that. I'm a massage therapist. No no, it's not like that. I'm the real registered kind that doctors refer you to for treatment. I realized today while touching a perfect stranger that I was indeed "rubbing" the back of someone I had met 10 minutes prior to my laying on of hands. I probably know more intimate details about strangers than their families know about them.

I had one client today tell me she was pregnant and that I was only person (besides the father) in the whole city that knew.

I have had clients tell me about their affairs, the bad credit ratings, their dead-beat-dad ex-husbands, their alcoholic aunts, their kitten's pecker, their kids' bowel movements. I see their wedding pictures, I see their vacation pictures, I get emails and cards from them, it goes on for days. All because I touch people for money. It's so much fun!

I'm going to be ok, I bought this today. 

Monday morning

Do you think it's a bad sign that my coffee pot has picked a Monday morning at 7 am to die?

Disgusted

I watched part of a CBC documentary on Romeo Dallaire last night. I'm always so horrified when I realize how all of the "powerful" nations sat back and allow the horrific events in Rwanda to unfold. The worst part is, it's still happening only slowly and gradually with minimal aid from us. The people dying in the whole African continent (amongst other places) from malnutrition and disease that could be quite preventable. But what do we do? We pay someone 13 million dollars to play hockey. Yeah, our priorities are straight.

I see you... 

Birth

I had a very odd dream last night about CJ's step-mom (I don't know if that's how you refer to her but you know who I mean anyway). She was pregnant and we (Ms. D, CJ and I) were all there to witness the birth. As she is ready to deliver I was called into the room because she was crowning and omigod I just had to see it! And then came a huge contraction just as the baby bracedits feet against her diaphragm and "jumped" out of her vagina.

This is my freaky (and I do emphasize FREAKY) arm hair. I measured it last week and it was over 10 cm long! Sadly, it has disappeared. I think it fell out.  

Fun

Based on the pictures I've posted, I look as though I have not-stop-boob-grabbin'-wine-gulping' fun all of the time. How deceptive! These moments are few and far between these days! Let's just say, it's Saturday night and I'm online.

Please note the pajama bottoms with the CFM Boots. I don't normally pair these articles but perhaps it'll be a trend now that it's out there for the world to see.

This is me trying to get my boots on to go home after a night of wine sipping. I was not healthy. 

Hmmm, an underlying theme??? 

My move last June... 

Last night... 

HELP?

Does anyone know why my profile is way way way down at the bottom? I haven't altered my template lately, it just happened.

What just happened?

"Kiki LOVES anal sex."

That's what Ms. D's roommate announced to the party goers last night. From that point on I had a drunk French Catholic 23 year-old army guy piss circles around me.

Once we ended up at the bar from the Twilight Zone he vanished. Sad. Ha!

The bar was surreal. Any and every type of person you could ever imagine was there. I particularly liked the woman in the Jack Daniels sweatshirt with skin tight leggings.

Ms. D plopped her blue corduroy cowboy hat on me before going to this bar. No good, it was like wearing old-man-bait, every gray haired man in the place went into a frenzy.

I should have consumed the whole bottled of wine.

Good friends hold each other up. 

Haha HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA...

That's how Ms. D laughs. The initial Ha-Ha is quick and relatively quiet followed by a long loud continuous Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. I'm not entirely sure how to describe that sound although it is laughter and it is so funny. This is all followed by uncontrolled face squinty that seems to hold in some of the sound. During this latter phase she sometimes leaks tears, happy tears. Onlookers have often mistaken this for a painful occurrence but it is not. You either love her loud laugh or hate it, and I LOVE it, it's one of my favourtie sounds of all time. It always makes me smile, inside and out.

She doesn't always laugh like that just if something really catches her off guard or something is so darn funny she's overcome by it (it, the funny thing now not her laugh. Pardon my ambiguous pronoun). Last night, she laughed like that, and then some. There were tears dripping off of her cheeks like raindrops from the sky, it was awesome. How can you not be filled with happiness after listening to the truest laugh of al laughs. Thanks Ms. D.

Horoscope

Wow, quite bang on today!

September 20, 2005

You might be feeling especially playful with your romantic nature today, Kiki, and you can expect to enjoy a great deal of love and affection from others. Be aware that you have a strong tendency to self-indulgence in food and drink today, so try to keep things in moderation. You may find that you have a strong unwillingness to work and a great lack of self-discipline. Overcome this by looking forward to intimate plans with someone later tonight.

Winds of change

Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr... I sit here in my cozy little apartment with my Smart Wool socks on and I am freezing. I love fall for that very reason, the temperature dips so low in the evening until late morning you don your parka and snow boots and by the afternoon it could be sunny and almost hot bikini wearing weather. Perhaps that's a bit extreme but not really that far off. Every hour is different, I like it. The weather is changing, snow is coming...

I feel I am resisting the impending changes that are heading my way, the weather notwithstanding. I'm procrastinating my school work even though it's my choice to be in school again. I think I'm scared. I'm scared to start my chemistry assignment because I think I suck at it and may need help. I'm scared to look for a new place because I might have to settle for a shit hole that will allow my farm. I'm scared that my business isn't going to recover from the changes from the springtime. I'm scared that I'll never get caught up on my bills mostly to Revenue Canada due to the same changes from the springtime. I'm scared that I might just run out and randomly pierce a body part that will later fall off in protest.

I feel a bit overwhelmed with everything right now which inevitably leads to my, "oh, to hell with it" attitude. I can only care for so long and then I just fall back into going with the proverbial flow which is almost admitting defeat or surrendering. I react to life like I do to a horror film, just close my eyes and have someone nudge me when it's over (not IT as in life because then I'd be dead and it wouldn't be irrelevant. I mean the IT as is the poopy thing in life...when IT is over).

See, I'm procrastinating...

Homeless, dammit

Yeah, yeah, it's my own fault. I know I'm not supposed to have a dog but he's my son now! The landlord announced the no dog policy today and I therefore have to find the dog a new home or us all a new home. The latter is the obvious choice but what a pain in the ass. I have to sort out whether I'll have to pay my way out of my current lease or if they'll be nice and just let me go without penalty. My mind can't process anything other than finding a new place right now. Blaaaaaaaaghhhhhhhhhhh.

"Everything happens for a reason," that's what the woman who gave me the dog kept saying. I took him because I believe so much in that but I hope it continues to prove true during this search for a new pad. Have faith, have faith, breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, mother fucker, and out...

California...here I come...

I'm going to California, I'm going to California...

CCM Boa Skates

Have you seen the commercial for the new hockey skates that the kids don't have to actually use laces to tighten them? The commercial makes the skates look idiot proof, like any weak person could tighten these things properly.

Oh, and they're also available for women.

Now, I have to tell you, I can and always could tighten my own damn laces without the aid of some sexist man's idea of simple tool for the weaklings of the world. Fuuuuccccccckkkkk!!!

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh, what an exhausting day... 

Long lost friend

I reunited this afternoon with a friend I haven't seen for several years. I did not realize how much I missed her until I saw her. We spent three hours at her sister's house to see her and her fiance off to California and we picked right up where we left off, aside from filling in the blanks which there were lots! She would says things like, "when I was training for the marathon...oh, yeah, I ran a marathon." As she was describing her favourite soup to her grandmother she throws in, "oh, I'm a vegetarian now...and I gave up dairy." It was odd to hear her spout out all these new things about her but it was honestly like she had never left. Aside from her eating and exercise changes she was just the same ole gal!!!

I'm always telling stories of our hay days: the time we ate a whole Greco party pizza between the two of us, the time we did hash blades off the kitchen stove, the time we jumped of "the Cliff" naked and within eyeshot of the highway, the time we sang Roxette songs so loud we entertained her ailing neighbour all evening long. It goes on and on and on. It was a great afternoon.

This is what I thought I posted by mistake. But I didn't. Until now. On purpose 

Ooooops, this is what I meant to post! 

Downtown

I have to get out of downtown. I was walking the dog down there today and a woman barked at him.

Huddle

Boyfriend and I had about 15 minutes to chat last night before I scurried off to bed. Instead of sitting on the couch to discuss the day we huddled by the front door where we sat on the floor petting the dog. There was 380+ pounds of man, woman, and beast crammed into 8 square feet. We're so uncivilized.

"I'm goin' in!"

"Another inch and you're gone biotch!" 

The look on Max's face makes me think of Stewie on the Family Guy. I can imagine the thoughts running through his little mind... 

Childish Part II

I just inhaled, yet savoured, a bowl of Lucky Charms. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm....

Childish

I've been reading about neutering as it's time for Vince to get the ole snip-snip. I keep reading about sterilizing dogs, in general, and the word bitch and bitches is used all the time which if very appropriate but I still giggle inside. I keep thinking "bitch, bitches, biotch."

Grow up!

Yikes!

I have my first Chemistry lab tomorrow!! (Exclamation points are for freaking out not positive enthusiasm).

I realized in my Chem lecture today that I am exactly 10 years older than the majority of the 404 students in that class. Fortunately I did notice a few other "mature" students filing in as well!! (Exclamation points for positive enthusiasm).

It has been 12 years since I've taken any kind of Chemistry course so this next year should prove interesting. If Eastern Canada blows up, I didn't mean it.

Hygiene or Procrastination

I've started ripping my pantry apart and cleaning like a mad woman. I've been chucking stuff in there to prevent the farm from chewing on them and this stuff has piled up too high. My apartment needs a thorough cleaning but it probably doesn't have to be right this minute. I should be sitting in the science library reviewing various theories in Chemistry. Ahhhhhh, I need to clean first...

Picasa's sad too

When I posted Haley's picture through Picasa/Hello whatever it's called, a blue sad face rolled down my screen. Weird. I've never seen that there before.

This is my girl Haley. She died this past April :( Although she would be very pleased to have missed out on the addition of Owen and Vince. 

"Help! Get me outta here!" 

Owen likes my "big wide ass." 

So deceptive... 

The shine wears off

My excellently behaved puppy is transforming into a normal puppy. He chews on stuff (refer to an earlier post re: my thong) other than his designated allotment of toys although they are plenty, he pees on the floor if he hasn't received the appropriate amount of attention for that 24 hour span, he chases Owen and puts his head into his mouth making death-by-neck-snapping a possibility, and so on. I'm tired of doggy training. Is there anyway to wake up one morning and he's all trained and well behaved? At 12 months will he just be a calm, cool, and collected beast?

I do realize most of his behavior is my fault. I shouldn't leave things in his reach if I expect them not to be puppy snack, I should designate and plan for extra attention in spite of my (our) busy schedule(s), I should install special dog repellent laser beams on Owen's head...

I still think he's the best dog ever! Perhaps I'll be taught patience by the time he graduates from puppihood.

I AM FAT!

So I leave work to walk to my bank before heading home this afternoon. Ten steps into my journey I approached a passerby who was a bit disheveled and overweight. As we pass I hear her say, "I know you're fat but you don't have to take up the whole sidewalk." I smirked, I turned around to see if she's really speaking to me and she's looking over her shoulder at me shouting out, "Yeah, look at how wide your big ass is..."

What do you say to that?

I laughed all the way downtown. I'm sure people thought I had lost it with my spontaneous bursts of laughter with nothing obvious to prompt them.

The worst part, nobody was home anywhere when I tried to tell my story!!!

No, Vince, no!

This has become my most common phrase as of late. We're trying to discourage Vince from "playing" with Owen after reading an article stating "dogs can easily and accidentally kill cats while 'playing.'" We already had suspected that given the gigantic Sheperd verses small kitty. But I've also noticed my tendency to call out several names before addressing the proper beast. NO, Owen, Vince, Max, Vince, Owen, NO NO NO. I am my grandmother.

It begins

First day of classes.

I'm awake...sort of.

My eyes are burning. It's too early.

Wild Horses

Ms. D and I had another visit to our local exhibition where we watched the Clydesdale wagon hitch competition. We were hooked! Perhaps it was our childhood years in a rural community or the "gee's," "haw's," and "whoa's" of the cowboys that sparked our interest. We took pride in women everywhere when the only female competitor kicked horse-man butt and won the race. In any case, we are aspiring horse women now. Save a horse, ride a cowboy right!

Eggs

I boiled all my "older" eggs the other day thinking I would eat them if they were prepared. And I have been. But, I must say, after eating crap all weekend and then consuming boiled eggs on my first day of eating real-life vegetables in several days was a terrible idea. In fact, it was potentially lethal. The smell that continuously escaped my bottom last night was smothering. I thought it may kill us all in our sleep.

We survived. I pooped the wreckage this morning.

This is a picutre of the stage for the Bigger Bang tour. The first two rows of those film-strip screen things actually have people standing in there. If you look below the blue and the lights you can kind of seen the band. This picture didn't capture the whole stage. 

A Bigger Bang

Wow, I'm still moving. I survived the Rolling Stones!!! 85000 people on one grassy hill absolutely rocked out! If you weren't a fan before you certainly were after Mick and gang keyed up with "Start Me up" on a seven story high stage with firework pyrotechnics and a HUGE screen. It was the most amazing spectacle I have ever seen. Awesome. Just awesome.

I shall say no more as words could never do it justice.

Owen is stuck to screen in the living room window...back to reality.

Horseshoe

This post is not for the squeamish.

Curious Jane, you told me that a normal healthy bowel movement should have a curve or "s" shape to it. Well, I just delivered a curry horseshoe poo. Let me tell you, "Burning Ring of Fire" has a hole new meaning.

Please stay on the line...

...and a service representative will be with you shortly.

Define shortly.

OH, and then there's "your call is important to us..."

Hold. I'm on hold. I've been on hold for 15 minutes now. I have to stay on hold because I need to know if I'm getting a loan to cover this year's tuition.

It's busy season for Student Loans offices everywhere in Canada. One would assume after umpteen dozen years of loan operations the organization might be able to predict and plan for such a spike in phone calls. But yet, here I sit, on hold.