It ended with my head in a bucket.

Ooo, Saturday night.

Appleton Rum.

Local Bar.

Drunk Drunk Kiki.

My attention span

I don't actually have an attention span. Today I went from reorganizing my basement storage cage to rebuilding an old table into a butcher block/islandy thing for the kitchen to scouring my bathroom (FINALLY). All the while my local classic rock station has been playing all sorts of music circa 1997. Ah, those were the days.

Andrea's Freak-Out

Randal: We have a bottle of gin if you want it.

Kiki & Andrea: YES

Andrea: I said it first

Kiki: *bitch *

Kiki & Randal a while later standing it the kitchen looking for chips...

Randal: Oh there's that gin if you want to hide it in your purse

Kiki: No, I'll come back for it, she'll see it.

Andrea entering the kitchen: Did you find any chips? Oh, the gin...

Kiki and Randal trying to change the subject: No.

Andrea yelling to the top of her lungs in a way that made you think she may kill you: GIVE ME THE GIN!!

Uh huh... A little anger management and some AA might not be so bad ;)

My New Best Friends: G & T

Yup! I have become rather cozy with two new loves: Gin and Tonic. LOVE IT!

Wet & wild

Oh there's nothing quite like the smell of wet dog. It's been raining here all day, which is wonderful after several days of warmth and sunshine. The flowers and trees are spectacular right now! I love spring. Anywho, back to the wet dog, Vincey and I just returned from a walk and he is thoroughly drenched as am I. He's running about the place like a complete wingnut!

Paranoid?

I recieved a message on my office phone today,

"Hi, this is Amy from Eastern Collections, can the person in charge of account recievable please return my call at 1800..."

Oh shit! What do I owe? I don't owe any money, I've been really good for a long time now.

I did promptly return the call. They wanted to know if I needed their services. If they only knew!

Gimics

I'm so easy. *Feel free to insert joke* As long as I buy new cleaning products and new cleaning toys I'll wash, scrub, and polish just about anything! I just got back from buying a new microfibre duster (reusable, of course) and now I want to dust EVERYTHING...but I have to go to the office.

................HELP ME

.........................Can someone help me? My posts keep getting
.........................cut off on the left. :(

I couldn't make this up!

A new client comes to my office yesterday. As she's filling out the health history form I'm busy trying to look busy. Flipping aimlessly through my filing cabinet she asks me,

"How do you spell erotic?"

Hmmm, I wonder why?

"E-R-O-T-I-C," I respond as if I'm asked that regularly.

I continue about my business and she completes the form. I review the information she has provided and discover that under occupation she has written, erotic dancer, in big child-like printing.

I leave her to get undressed and onto the table.

I return.

I start her massage and she starts rambling on and on and on and fidgeting. I'm assuming she's on one drug or another. She tells me she has four kids between 11 and 16 (she's in her early 30's) none of whom are with her. No shit.

She says to me, "My oldest son is with my aunt and on his 16th birthday he shaved his head and got a bunch of piercings. He's just like me, I have my tongue done, my ears done, the hood of my clit..."

CLIT

She said it as if I've known her for more than the 20 minutes that I did.

She continues to fidget and talk about random nothingness and I'm itching to get out of there. She tells me about her upcoming move to a bigger city for a great new job. Three of her friends are already there and are staying in the shelter until they get established.

She's so not going to pay me.

I hear about all of the money she's going to be making and I'm biting my tongue because I have 100 questions about her job.

Finally, we conclude. I grabbed my purse and left the room while she changes. I stash my purse because I was sure that she was going to rob me of all of my cash to get another hit of whatever she was on.

She paid me.

On the way out she again referred to her new job so I asked,

"What will you be doing?"

"Domination." She says this as if she just told me she's going to law school.

"So, where do you do that?"

"There's a club there, I'll make about $200-300 an hour."

Hmmm, think about changing careers.

"Wowzers!"

"I know!"

"Well, good luck."

What do you say to that?

Where did April go?

I cannot quite believe it's May. April positively flew by and I expect May to do the same. My course for this month has been cancelled due to low enrollment and I'm not disappointment in the least! I marvel at how I have so much more time available yet the days still seem to fly by without feeling as though I have any time to spare.

This past weekend I was working in my hometown and getting the family update and bi-monthly visits done! My great aunt had been taken to the hospital by ambulance on Thursday with what was thought to be a flu but turned out to be kidney failure due to diabetes. She's been quite sick for a long time now but manages to truck along. She was in the hospital here until Saturday when they transported her to the bigger more efficient hospital an hour from here. I was designated as the first shift of family to hang out with her as this is her first hospital stay, ever.

I slept in a reclining chair which caused my butt to go numb every which way I repositioned! By morning I was cranky only having a couple of hours of sleep. I called my parents to find out when they would be relieving me of my LONG shift. "Oh my God Mum, if the kidney failure doesn't kill her, I might." She had been rather cranky herself most of Sunday, with good reason!

Anywho, she's having dialysis in hopes her kidneys will start functioning again but it really is anyone's guess whether they will or not. The whole ordeal made me stop and be thankful of where I come from. No matter where you are the family is always right there for you whether you want them to be or not.