Winds of change

Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr... I sit here in my cozy little apartment with my Smart Wool socks on and I am freezing. I love fall for that very reason, the temperature dips so low in the evening until late morning you don your parka and snow boots and by the afternoon it could be sunny and almost hot bikini wearing weather. Perhaps that's a bit extreme but not really that far off. Every hour is different, I like it. The weather is changing, snow is coming...

I feel I am resisting the impending changes that are heading my way, the weather notwithstanding. I'm procrastinating my school work even though it's my choice to be in school again. I think I'm scared. I'm scared to start my chemistry assignment because I think I suck at it and may need help. I'm scared to look for a new place because I might have to settle for a shit hole that will allow my farm. I'm scared that my business isn't going to recover from the changes from the springtime. I'm scared that I'll never get caught up on my bills mostly to Revenue Canada due to the same changes from the springtime. I'm scared that I might just run out and randomly pierce a body part that will later fall off in protest.

I feel a bit overwhelmed with everything right now which inevitably leads to my, "oh, to hell with it" attitude. I can only care for so long and then I just fall back into going with the proverbial flow which is almost admitting defeat or surrendering. I react to life like I do to a horror film, just close my eyes and have someone nudge me when it's over (not IT as in life because then I'd be dead and it wouldn't be irrelevant. I mean the IT as is the poopy thing in life...when IT is over).

See, I'm procrastinating...